Our future, or the dream in my head
I know...
You are in Portugal.
I am in France.
We used to be together. Emphasis on the used to.
Yet, I still think about us all the time. What we could do, what we would do. I have projects with you. But we are no longer together, can I describe them as projects ?
Maybe I should call them dreams ? I have dreams with you.
In my dreams, we got back together. Living somewhere sunny, most likely Portugal. After all, you have pasteis de nata, so it is a good reason to choose Portugal. Not only are we together in Portugal, but we are actually living together. In a nice house or apartment, well decorated (it implies that there must be a green wall somewhere, but the rest is up to you, you are the pro to pick nice furniture).
In my dreams, we are living close to the beach, because what would Portugal be without its beaches ? I know you want to resume your studies, so you would be studying. Maybe you would be studying by the beach ? Or more likely making crochet, because I know you.
In my dreams, there would be a coffee nearby, walking distance. So we would often go have a coffee. I know that in your language, it would mean having a beer. Not any beer. A SUPER BOCK. I hope the coffee sells some Ovos Molles too, because I would probably like them by the time. You would be drinking your beer, I would be drinking my tea, under the warmth of the sun. It is autumn already. But it is still warm. The sun makes us warm. We are happy. I am not working today. It is sunday. We are not talking, we are quiet. In silence. Listening to the noise in the background. People are talking in portuguese. I don't understand what they are saying. All I can say is "bom dia", "boa noite", and "obrigado". We don't feel the need to talk. Because we are just enjoying the moment. Looking at people passing by. Hearing voices talk around us. To you, those voices have a meaning. But you are not paying attention. To me, they are just voices. Although I have installed an app on my phone to learn Portuguese. Soon, I will know the basics. I want to. I live here now. I want to be able to talk to your friends. To your family. While you are in your thoughts, I look at you. You are beautiful. You are still tanned from the summer. Your hair looks amazing. You close your eyes. Just taking the sun. Saying nothing. Enjoying the moment. I am thankful. Thankful for the moment. Thankful to be with you.
You light a cigarette. My expression changes on my face. You notice. You reply "What ? You knew that I smoke, no ?". I don't talk. I just smile. Smile quietly. Yes, babe, I know. You always tell me this, and like always, I like the way you say it. You see the amusement on my face. Now you are blowing your smoke into my face, trying to make me cough, to remove the satisfaction from my eyes. We are laughing now. You receive a message on your phone. Some friends with whom you are studying, talking about some stuff I have no idea about. It gets you thinking. What will you do next ? After you finish your studies ? You start to think, we start to talk about it. I am not worried for you. You fit anywhere you go. You used to be an amazing cabin crew. When I met you. Seems like in another life now. You didn't have much experience then, but you were learning faster than others. You had that thing that people lack, that is called common sense. Now you are attracted by something more creative. But you still don't know what. It is fine. You will be amazing, whatever you choose to do. At our place, there is a room where you practice your ceramics. We don't have an oven, but you still enjoy modeling all sorts of objects. Sometimes you try to show me your techniques. You become my ceramics teacher. And although I will not admit it in front of you, I am so terrible at it. Of course I am saying the opposite. Even pretending I am the one teaching you things. We are still on the terrace, at the coffee, in our conversation about the world of possibilities ahead of us. The sun is already low on the horizon. Summer is over, for sure the days are getting shorter. The light breeze feels so good. It is playing with your hair. Your SUPER BOCK is empty now. We should go home. Tomorrow, I have to wake up early for work. But you have just lit another cigarette. So we stay there. I know you don't like to smoke and walk at the same time. And it is actually a very good reason to watch the sunset from the terrace. Surfers are enjoying the last rays of the day. I am taking surf lessons now, just had one two days ago. I like it. I watch someone fall into the water. This could be me. Or maybe I would have fallen before, already. Who knows. The waiter comes and we pay. People are really nice in this place. Actually portuguese people are really nice in general. He asks who wants to pay. You try to grab your phone, but I was just faster than you. And I have longer arms. It helps me win this fight. You make a face. I kiss you on your forehead. I tell you that you must choose your fights, that you cannot win everytime. You answer with a "I will punch you in the face, I swear". It makes me smile. We are walking home now. Holding hands. In the streets, the light poles are starting to bath us in an orange glow. The evening is still warm for the time. There is a young child running ahead of us. He almost bumped into your legs. I tell you that it is funny how children don't pay attention to where they are running to. It is funny to watch. In my head, I am wondering if we will become a family one day. It is still too early to talk about it. But the thought is here. It is something new for me. Having children is part of life, but I never actually considered it before I met you. I knew I might have some one day, but the day seemed so far away. So hypothetical. Now, holding your hand, walking back home, I know that the day could be closer than I think. We are talking about our plans for the next weekend. One of your friends is moving to a different apartment, we are planning to help. But we want to do something in the evening. We are hesitating between going to a restaurant we wanted to try, and inviting people at our place. I see a flash, catching me by surprise. Like lightning. But the sound was not the sound of thunder. The click gives it away. You just took a photo with your analog camera. I am blind for a second. I complain that you should have told me, I would have made a nice face at least. You say that the picture will be perfect, like you envisioned it. Such an artist. We arrive at our place. There is a small garden at the front. We have a few plants growing there. We plan to have more, to make the place really welcoming. You take the keys from your bag, and unlock the front door. When you enter the apartment, you go straight to the bathroom. "Oh my god, I need to peee". While you are talking about the afternoon we had, from the bathroom with the door still open, I am taking a disc from a shelve. It is a vinyl, from l'Impératrice. We saw them in Bordeaux 3 weeks ago. We actually got the disc from the merch after the concert. The next day we went to the Bassin d'Arcachon with the Cessna 172 from the air club. To enjoy the view. Then we ate a few oysters by the water after landing in La Teste. Finally we had dinner with my parents when we were back in Bordeaux that evening. Next time we go to France, we plan to go to Biarritz, a wonderful place where the ocean meets the mountains. But our next big trip will be in three months, when we will be travelling to Costa Rica, to discover some of the most beautiful and best preserved tropical landscapes on Earth, while escaping the upcoming european winter. "Pura vida" like they say there. The music starts to play. I hear you say "Oh, l'Impératrice ! ". You know your music. I hear the flush, then your steps approaching. You ask me if I want some Porto wine. I check the time. I can still drink for 20 minutes. I answer "Of course, I will grab two glasses." When I come back, the TV is on. Netflix. You read my face. Half amused. I have a "I knew you would do it" expression in my look. You tell me that you need to finish the last episode of your TV show. It is not the best show we have watched. Very basic. But it seems you want to know how it ends. So I sit down on the couch next to you, next to our cat, Botar, who is doing the most usual thing for a cat (sleeping). I rub my hand behind your neck. I really like your neck. "Okay...Only if you give me a kiss". I didn't have to wait long. "I can see your priorities." We are laughing again. Your head is resting against my arm. We are drinking our porto wine and watching an average show. But the show itself is unimportant. We are at our place. We are together. We are happy. And that is the only thing that matters, in the end. I wished this show lasted forever. I wished I stayed with you on this couch forever. I wished this dream continued forever.
